Static Lullaby

fuck this place. fuck it all.

i hate YOU. and me.

i hate this.

and i hate this typical fucking agnst teen bullshit. it's not that.

i'm in university and I feel worthless.

I feel without... meaning.

Without identity.

I'm still here, alive.

Nothing ever happened with that. I was stupid.

he was hopeless.

I'm spent.

Okay.

Ave...you don't fucken listen when i'm around says:
going to bed call u this weekend
Feel so cheap, so used, unfaithful... lets start over. -- party in the hizzle. for. shizzle. says:
ok talk to you later

So? Will he call me or not? I don't know. He never actually pin pointed a period in time before. I had given up on him. I had cashed it in. All the thought of us. I read 'he's so not into you' i underlined all the good points and shook my head to them. Nodded along with all the good points. And then he text messages me that he'll call me this weekend. I had chalked it up to a nothing kind of relationship. I thought he didn't like me and was 'so not into me.' "The guy will find you if he likes you blah blah blah." You know? So what do I make out of that? Is it just getting my fucking hopes up for nothing? I thought he kissed any girl. I don't know if he likes me. I don't know if he's one of those people that just tells me what I want to hear. But it kind of makes me glad that he said something like that so now I know for sure if he means it. Before it was an 'ill call you.' Now that he's given it an actual time period.... he either follows up or doesn't. If he doesn't... I wont actually have to worry about it anymore. Of course I'll be like wtf...and probably care. But it's not like I'll be checking my messages anymore or trying to read between the lines. It's either he calls me this weekend or I don't want a relationship with this guy and he's not worth my time. It kind of sucks but that's how it's going to have to be. It's cool. I can handle it. I will handle it.

AAAAAHFHfhjfkljlkhjdgfh

Why does he have me in this fucking spell.

He's NOT fucking worth it.

GRAD tomorrow. How will it go? I'm not that excited. I don't know. Bleah.

Fuck. I did that portfolio and worked my ass off and I probably wont get in. Not that I totally know hat I want to do. What do I want to do? And how stressful is college/uni going to be? Fuck this.

There is a lot of drama at school. There was some at safeway for a while, but its chill now I think.

Looking for a car.

God. Spring break sucks just like any other fuckin year. I didn't go to those parties because he shafted. What the hell? Jerk. He'll prolly shaft on the trip too. Whatever we'll find someone else.

David told me he liked me and actually thought I like him back. Not quite.

Saw the vid. Fuckin nuts.

It really sucks when you build someone up in your mind and then it all familiarly comes crashing down. It's cool, because I set myself up for it and I realize this. It keeps me occupied. Or something. Maybe one of these days it will work out.

We just want sleep but this night is hell. Sick and sunk and I blame myself.

Fuck it sucks. FUCK YOU!!!!!! I hate you and you and you and you!

THIS TIME IVE GOT NOTHIN TO SAY BESIDES DO DO DO DO DO
DO DO DO DO DO

You don't know what it's like to have stars in your eyes and a thorn in your side.

This overwhelming depressing state has clouded over me. It's fucking dumb. I went to a dance yesterday at tec and I ot drunk with some people. It was okay I guess and I got invited to a party. I was going to pick up David and Ave and go...and Ave shafted us. I was so upset for reasons unknown. I don't know him and it's fucking gay. I don't think we'd ever get along. We've talked on msn...and he's always like "thats funny, thats hilarious!" for christ sakes. I don't know maybe he really thinks im annoying.


Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's...after all that this is what it's come to...living in beverly hills says:
none of what you just said made sense
You can't turn back the clocks, you can't pull me up from here so don't try. says:
you dont make sense
You can't turn back the clocks, you can't pull me up from here so don't try. says:
i win
You can't turn back the clocks, you can't pull me up from here so don't try. says:
can i get a high five
Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's...after all that this is what it's come to...living in beverly hills says:
okay i guess you win
Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's...after all that this is what it's come to...living in beverly hills says:
yes you can
You can't turn back the clocks, you can't pull me up from here so don't try. says:
sweet


Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's... after all that this is what it's come to...computer talk says:
caus eyou know i'm such an angry person
Wasted words in lower cases and capitals. says:
haha
Wasted words in lower cases and capitals. says:
word up homie.
Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's... after all that this is what it's come to...computer talk says:
ahahahahaha


Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's... after all that this is what it's come to...computer talk says:
oh you suck
Wasted words in lower cases and capitals. says:
haha
Wasted words in lower cases and capitals. says:
like your mom
Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's... after all that this is what it's come to...computer talk says:
oh
Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's... after all that this is what it's come to...computer talk says:
damit i got nothing
Wasted words in lower cases and capitals. says:
oh yeah.
Wasted words in lower cases and capitals. says:
gotcha there
Wasted words in lower cases and capitals. says:
im to ofast for ya
Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's... after all that this is what it's come to...computer talk says:
yes you are
Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's... after all that this is what it's come to...computer talk says:
well it's home time so i'll talk to you later catch you on the flip side
Wasted words in lower cases and capitals. says:
okay homes
Wasted words in lower cases and capitals. says:
peace out! haha
Ave-akward hellos to no goodbye's... after all that this is what it's come to...computer talk says:
hahahahaha

An that's just the tip of the iceburg. This is gay I don't the kid. I'm just over-tired.

now all of those feelings, those yesterday feelings will all be lost in time...

So me and david drove around last night and then he told me he liked me. Bleah. I hate that shit...
I don't know why he thought i liked him back but whatever it was cool after. I guess.

I HATE THIS SHIT.

Okay Jewels is a bitch and a whore. Caught on tape? Slut.

Okay. So Ave's hot but I think hes terrified cause everyone tells him I love him.

FUCKING ROAD TRIP

I'm 18 in 4 months.
If I get into RRC its going to be work like a bitch.
KNOCK ON WOOD

BLaaaah...too much school work.
I can't wait for summer.

Sidenote: I'll prolly end up hating Ave because I tear people apart.

I'm trying to get david a job at my place of work.... mistake??

Tanis

Party. Hard.

Good times I swear. I love Danielle and Christine, they are so adorable. I met a guy named Derek... don't really know him but I'll talk to him on the phone. We swapped numbers.

School is a shit load of work.